


Lucid Dreams

by Insomniac_with_dreams



Series: The Google Docs Dump Fanfics [18]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Realities, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confusion, Curtis is Valid!!!!, Depressed Lance (Voltron), F/M, Keith is missing, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Sad Keith (Voltron), The Lions save The Day, Voltron Lions as Actual Lions, i love shiro, keith cries, lance cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:53:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniac_with_dreams/pseuds/Insomniac_with_dreams
Relationships: Allura/Lance, Allura/Lotor, Hunk/Shay, Keith/Lance, Shiro/Curtis
Series: The Google Docs Dump Fanfics [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609384
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	Lucid Dreams

They were twirling. Round and round. The stars floated close to the ground. If they wanted they could reach out and grab them. They walked on glass like water. A train roared above them, the locomotive catching fire. Their eyes widened their pulses sped up. Movement caught their eyes; a rabbit ,black and sleek crawled carefully from the water like glass. Fear gripped them as it drew closer, closer. They turned to each other with words on their lips as the sky erupted into flame. They reached for each other their fingers brushing. Breathes matched each other, eyes flickered, words were lost in the cacophony of the world descending around them. The rabbit turned on them, eyes glinting nose twitching. Dark eyes turned on blue, a resigned determination residing in them. He watched words failing him, arms never reaching far enough, as he bent and let the rabbit crawl into his arms. He called as dark eyes reassured him, reached desperately, feeling, knowing that this was goodbye. Dark eyes turned his back, the glass shattering in the wake of retreating footsteps. It caved in and he fell.

Lance slammed back into reality. He gasped eyes trying to focus on the ceiling above him. He brought a trembling hand to the tears running sticky down his face. The dream was a block in his mind, parts of it coming back to him so clearly and others blurring together in a swirl of fire and eyes and rabbits. He felt like he had been gutted. Like something he cared deeply about was torn from him. Those eyes were something else. His soul had felt connected to that person, or being or whatever it had been. That rabbit in his arms had meant something. Something sad but maybe not terrible.

He rolled over. Allura slept soundly, her white hair splayed across the pillowcase, the moonlight slanting through the window making it glow. He thought about waking her. Just so he could have someone to tell.It wasn’t the first time he had dreamed about those eyes. It wasn’t the first time he thought that he would be able to recognize the being if he waited just a little longer. The thing is he felt like he knew those eyes, He had cried so many nights about them. He had danced with the silhouette of the owner of those eyes. He laughed with them. He had been surrounded with a feeling of pure content. 

Lance sat up, making sure not to wake Allura. He slid out of the bed and looked at his phone. It read 4:30am. There was no way Shiro was still awake. He shouldn't be awake. Lance took one last look at Allura and headed to the kitchen. It was quite save for the hum of the refrigerator. The moon made the honey brown of the floorboards appear whiter. He stood in the middle of the floor between the coffee pot and the fridge. He probably shouldn't eat anything but he felt anxious and empty. 

Lance groaned and opened the fridge. The cool air washed over him and he shivered. Nothing looked very appetizing as he looked around at the apartment of food. Allura ate a lot of green foods and Lance wasn't going to lie when he said it reminded him of the food goo, and he felt sick whenever they would have nothing but green. 

Lance sighed and leaned on the counter. Maybe he was being way too affected by whatever those dreams were. Maybe he should just stop letting them affect him so drastically. But they had stolen nights of his slumber and plagued his mind. He wanted to talk to someone about them, he wasn't sure who though. He didn't want to go to Allura. She was busy and they hadn't actually talked for months. Hunk did not need anymore on his plate with raising his family and running a restaurant. He could go to Pidge but he felt like she would laugh at him and blow it off. There was Shiro. Shiro would listen, but sometimes that was worse. Shiro worried easily and solidly. Lance didn't want that to happen to him.

Tigger had come into the kitchen now and looked up at Lance with wide green eyes. Lance laughed softly and crouched down to pet the cat. It had taken ages for him to convince Allura to let him get the cat. She still didn't like him very much. Lance loved him though, in all of his ear less beauty. He offered comfort to Lance that humans couldn't. He didn't say anything when Lance was curled alone on the couch, simply came and sat with him. That happened more times then Lance would like it to. He didn't have a job to save part time. He went to classes but it was hard to assimilate himself back to earth after years of fighting a war in space.

The clock in the living room chimed. Lance flinched. He hated that clock. But Allura had insisted on it so there it sat chiming and singing it's creepy Altea tune. It chimed five times. It was five in the morning. Allura would be up soon getting ready to head back to new Altea. Lance would sit around the house until it was time to go to class. He ran a hand over his face. He was tired. He wanted to sleep an entire night through again. He wanted to wake up with his girlfriend and be able to talk with her and confide in her. He didn't want to feel like she didn't care, he didn't want to deal with the illusion that she did care.

He stood up and Tigger butted his head against Lance's leg. If Lance couldn't eat at least one of them could. He filled Tigger's bowl and checked the water level in his other pan. He does start making coffee now. It is one of the only earth foods that Allura fell in love with, and just like a human she couldn't function without it in the morning. He watched the pot pulling down two mugs, creamer and sugar. For him. She drinks hers black. He took up his place leaning against the counter as he heard her coming down the stairs. 

She never looked like she had just woken up. A constant reminder that she wasn’t human, that she was so much better than him. He probably looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which he hadn’t. His hands looked pale so he was guessing the rest of him was pale as well. His hair had lost some of it’s sheen he knew it had, he wasn’t ignorant to his deteriorating state of mind and body. The tear tracks still sat on his cheeks and he brushed a hand over them.

“ Good morning Allura.” She smiled at him and turned her head as he attempted to kiss her. It landed on her cheek and he tried not to let it bother him. She swept passed him to the brew coffee and poured herself a mug.

“Are you leaving after this?” He knew she was but he wanted her to talk to him. To treat him like they lived together,shared a bed, ate together, kissed occasionally. He wanted her to treat him like her friend, even if that meant that she rolled her eyes at his antics or shook her head in friendly exasperation. She was just distant now. She nodded and turned to look out the window.

“ I think I’m going to be gone for a long time this time. I might not be back for a weeks.” Lance nodded, fixing himself a cup of coffee. Three scoops of sugar and just as much cream. 

“Okay well, stay in touch. I was thinking about going to Cuba in a few weeks” She nodded absently before biting her lip and turning to him.

“Lance, I hate earth.” It felt like a slap in the face. He had expected that she didn’t like earth but now that she said it out loud he felt like the ground had been pulled out from under him. He opened his mouth but she barreled on.

“ I want to stay on New Altea. I don’t want to come back here.” Lance nodded, setting the coffee down.

“ That’s fair. I understand.” Allura shook her head.

“ No, I don’t think you do. I don’t want to come back. To earth, to this house, to you.” Lance felt his heart thump and his throat go dry. He was surprised that he felt a lack of emotion. Allura, the girl that he had been chasing since the beginning of the war, was telling him that she didn’t want to come back to him. It should have been crushing. It wasn’t though.

“ I don’t think that I’m in love with you Lance. I don’t know if I ever was.” That did hurt a little bit. Lance had worked hard to afford the house that they lived in. They had slept together Lance had spent so much of his time with her. Was she just playing along the entire time. Tears sprung to his eyes somehow, even though he had cried a lot from that dream.

“ You weren’t ever in love with me?” Allura was finally facing him completely. Her eyes are full of sympathy.

“ No. I do love you, but I wish that we had never done this.” Lance nodded anger rippling through his veins.

“ Who is it? Who are you in love with?” his voice wasn’t as bitter as he thought it was going to be. Allura blinked and sighed closing her eyes.

“Lotor is recovering so well. I’ve spent so much time with him and Lance I’m sorry. He was my first love and I was still in love with him when he betrayed us. I ‘m still in love with him.”  
Lance nodded. He figured that she was in love with someone else by the distance she put between them.

“Allura, I understand. I’m not going to say that I was or am in love with someone else, but I know that I’m not as happy as I was, and I know that you aren’t happy. I want you to be happy. You deserve it. And if that means breaking up then I will do it.” Allura smiled at him a little sadly but Lance noticed the life come back into her eyes.

“ You deserve to be happy, Lance. I hope that you will find someone that will make you as happy as you deserve.” She stepped forward and hugged him. He hugged her back, eyes slipping closed and an odd peace filling him. She pulled away.

“I’ll come back to get all my stuff with Coran.” Lance nodded and her smile slipped.

“I am sorry Lance, and always remember that I am your friend, you can come to me for anything.” 

“I know Allura, now go be you.”

~*~*~*~*~

When Lance informed the rest of the team about the break up silence reigned over the Skype call. Finally Hunk cleared his throat.

“ Are you okay Lance?” Lance had asked himself that question several times over the course of the last weeks. He had come to the conclusion as the last of Allura's things were moved out and the bed became solely his, that he was more okay than he thought. The only time he wasn’t was when the dream would shred his reality and leave his heart breaking and pounding, his eyes swimming with tears, a name on the tip of his tongue.

“I am Hunk. I’m okay.”

Pidge smiled at him, her eyes flashing as if she predicted the entire thing. Shiro watched him in concerned silence. Lance turned to address him.

“Shiro I have something I wanted to talk to you about. Alone.” That brought silence again and Lance watched Shiro's brown eyes narrow again before he nodded. The other two seemed to take that as their cue to leave. They said their goodbyes and logged off. Hunk sent him one last worried look which Lance hoped he dismissed with his smile.

“What is it?” Shiro asked and Lance had the strange feeling that he Knew what he was going to say. Lance rubbed his palms together and licked his lips.

“ Do you ever feel like we were missing something, no someone during the war?” When he said it out loud it sounded crazy. He bit the inside of his cheek waiting for Shiro to react like he was crazy.

“Yes.” Shiro breathed it like he couldn’t believe that Lance had felt the same thing. Lance looked up at him.

“Not just me. But Black too.” Lance nodded eagerly,

“Red as well. It’s like there were times that they were mourning someone.” Shiro nodded.

“ I thought that it was Zarkon messing with Black, but now that you told me Red was feeling the same way I don’t know what it was.” 

Lance felt like laughing and crying simultaneously. 

“Have you had the dream?” Shiro's face went a little confused at that.

“No. What dream?” Lance felt the grin slip off his face. He sat back in his seat.

“ It’s a crazy dream. Fire,trains, rabbits, dark eyes. I have yet to understand even a little part of it. It’s been months. And the worst part is how it makes me feel. Shiro, my heart breaks every time I have it, breaks and beats and yearns for something I don’t understand. But I know, _I know_ that I used to know it, him.” He paused his mind freezing. Him. His throat felt dry.

“I think we should talk to Coran about this. I think that he might be able to explain a little part or at least give us a place to start.” Lance nodded absently, his mind still reeling from the moment of clarity.

“Lance, how often do you have this dream?” 

“Almost every night.” Shiro nodded thoughtfully.

“ I can tell. You aren’t the same.” Lance nodded looking down at his sweatpants.

“Why don’t you come up and spend a weekend with me and Curtis, we can talk about it.” Lance chewed his lip and looked around at his house. He might as well. He was in for a lonely couple of months as it was.

“Okay. I will.” Shiro beamed leaning back on his couch.

“I’m glad. Come up whenever you want to, you're always welcome.”

After Shiro hung up Lance leaned back on the cushions on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and let the realization that someone else was feeling the same way made him feel a little less insane. His mind still felt fragile from the night before. The dreams seemed to trip over itself at times. It repeated over and over again but every time the thing or person, _he_ , started to become more clear. 

Lance knew that separate realities existed. He had been in one. He had a feeling that whatever was being projected from his mind was from a different reality. It was a gut feeling, so he supposed that talking to Coran would be wise. If anyone had any sort of idea what was going on, it would be him. Lance debated calling him but after turning the idea over in his mind he decided against it. Allura was still getting settled and Coran was busy, besides he should wait for Shiro. 

He swung himself off of the couch and looked around the room. His skin itched with an unreachable ache. He needed to be doing something, anything, he was tired of just existing. He wanted to live again. Wanted to feel like myself again. Shiro had been right, he was different. Of course he was going to be affected, he had been through a war, he’d seen death he had killed to defend the universe, but he had worked through that. Went to therapy every Friday and talked to his family and friends about what thoughts were plaguing his mind.Then the dreams started and he felt an overwhelming feeling of loss.

Tigger watched him as he began to go through the books and movies that lined the shelves around the room. Lance made piles behind him and Tigger placed himself atop them. Curling up and watching Lance with intelligent eyes. Lance smiled at him talking to him as he sorted through the piles. He paused in his explanation of this book or that movie when he came across a picture album. He sat down on the floor pulling his feet under himself and opened the book. It was full of pictures from the war. The lions, Pidge, Hunk, him. Shiro's wedding, the new juniberry fields on Altea. He smiled a little sadly as he went through the pictures. The last picture was of them all standing in front of the new castle of lions. Lance had his arm slung around Allura and Pidge was giving him bunny ears. He sighed and began to close the book when something caught his eye.

A picture was tucked between the last page and back cover. It was folded, creasing white. Lance frowned as he pulled it out. How had it gotten so neglected? Why wasn’t it with the other ones? It was a chore to unfold it, the folds threatening to tear. It was as if someone had kept it with them and it had seen it’s fair share of things. When he finally got it unfolded the blank back of the photo stared back at him. It was dated, the same date as the photo of all of them in front of the castle of lions. Maybe it was an extra of that one. He flipped it over and flinched away from it. Dark eyes stared at him. The same dark eyes from the dream.

The picture was almost exactly the same, but placed right in the middle of it was a man. Black hair, pale skin, a scar running up his face, dark dark eyes. It felt like Lance had been slapped at the same time he received something he had always wanted. He wasn’t breathing he realized as he stared at the man. Why was he there and why did Lance not remember him being there. He dropped the picture to the floor and backed away from it, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. It was the man from his dream there was no doubt in his mind. His blood seemed to thrum and his heartbeat sped up.

The picture lay innocently on the ground. Lance scooted as far away from it as he could. Turning his face from those eyes. He needed to get a hold of himself. He needed to think and go about this rationally. If he didn’t he was never going to figure it out. He was tempted to pick the picture back up but the emotions that it made him feel were still rolling through him. He stood, his lungs feeling tight. He needed to get out of the apartment. Away from the picture and the dream and the memories that made no sense.

He grabbed his hoodie and slipped into his shoes. His hands shook as he tied the laces. Tigger watched him with eyes that looked concerned and weary. Lance tried to give him a smile. His lips trembled from the effort. Then he was out the door and sprinting down the sidewalk, not caring where he went. The wind whipped around his face and through his hair. It held that crispness that only autumn wind could. That slight cold that promised winter but still kept it at bay. The leaves that had already fallen to the ground crunched under his pounding feet. He focused on these sounds. Let them wash over him and remind him of where he was.

The exhaustion from his sprint was finally catching up with him and he slowed. Bending at the waist and putting his hands on his knees. He breathed slowly. In and out. In and out. Let his body simmer down and his heart beat come back from the sky. He squeezed his eyes shut working his jaw trying to alleviate the burn in his teeth. He hadn’t realized he had been grinding them so hard. He looked up to see where he was. He had climbed a hill outside of the suburbs he lived in. The city stretched out around him. He wanted to go home. For months he had longed for home, almost as much as when he had been light years away.

He sank to the ground still breathing hard. The sun was climbing down the sky turning the world orange. The leaves rustled ever so quietly and the few birds that had yet to fly south sang lowly. The sunset struck an odd sense of nostalgia in him. A painful ache deep in his chest resting behind his ribs. He growled at the feeling/ Everything was connected to the dream and now the picture he had found. He wished it wouldn’t, or more like he wished he understood why. The feeling sat heavy on him and thrilled him. It scared him to feel so much about something he knew so little about. His stomach rumbled. He hadn’t eaten and he was starting to feel it. He could go back home and make something alone in the kitchen, or he could walk down to the small diner that he had fallen in love with. HE had tried taking Allura there for a date but she hated the food. 

Sighing, he stood up and dusted the leaves and dirt off of his back end. He looked like a mess he knew he did. Sleep was an alien concept to him now. He hoped that he wouldn’t be recognized if he went into town. It happened more than he would like and hated now more than anything. The war had been awful and he didn’t want people to idealize him. Shiro was most recognizable. With his arm and all, and when he did get recognized Lance could see the stress under the smile he pulled.

The walk back was long. Longer than Lance had anticipated. He hadn’t realized how far he had run. He walked past his house and down the street towards the little diner on the block. People were starting to come out to walk dogs and enjoy the evening air. A few of his neighbors sent him looks but they didn’t greet him in any way. They never did. He had been a Paladin of Voltron to some people; he was a savior. He didn’t really mind that no one said anything. He was tired and sick of people. The less attention given to him the better.

The diner looked blessedly empty when Lance finally reached it. The open sign glowed in the window, one side of it flickering. He sighed as he opened the door and was washed over by the scent of fry oil and the clatter of pots, pans and plates. The hostess looked up at him and smiled.

“ Hey Lance, long time no see. I thought that we had finally scared you off.” Lance shook his head, a smile twitching on his lips.

“Oh course you didn’t Cherry. Just been busy.” she nodded at him and pulled a menu out. He didn’t really need one but he still took it and followed her to the booth that he had claimed as his own a long time ago. He slid in and Cherry handed him the menu.

“ You want cream soda hun?” Lance nodded and she put her notebook away. "You want what you normally get?” Lance nodded again and she smiled at him. Her teeth looked unnaturally white against her bright red lipstick.

“ Alright hun. I’ll let Keith know now and it’ll be out in a bit.” His Mind froze on the name. Images flitted behind his eyes.

_“Keith. No one can replace Shiro-”_

_“I choose Keith...he’s the future.”_

_“Keith? Have you ever been in love-”_

“ Lance?” Lance looked up at Cherry who was staring at him. He swallowed his throat feeling dry.

“Lance are you okay? Do I need to call someone?” No. Lance thought sluggishly. I need to call someone he thought. He stood up abruptly.

“I changed my mind. I don’t want anything. I’m sorry.” And then he was fleeing from the diner, the fifties music disappearing as the door slammed behind him.

_“ Keith, we’ve been here before. You always eat the same thing.”_

_“This is Keith, I told you I’d...someone mama.”_

Lance covered his ears, his eyes squeezing shut. He fumbled to get his phone out of his pocket and hit Shiro’s number. Lance pleaded for him to pick up silently. After the third ring he did. Lance felt relief flood through him. He held the phone up closer to his mouth.

“ _Keith._ Shiro. Keith.” He gasped, his voice ragged and broken a sob sitting in the middle of his throat. Shiro was talking to him and he realized vaguely. Saying the name had pulled something in his chest hard and had his stomach bottoming out.

“ Lance! Where are you? Are you somewhere safe?” Lance blinked at his surroundings. He was standing on the curb and Cherry was next to him. He didn’t know if he was safe. He didn’t really feel that safe but his mind and body felt completely detached from each other. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Then Cherry was taking the phone from his hand and talking into it while slowly pulling him away from the road. She helped him onto a bench.

“Yes he just ran out. Is Allura home so I can call her?” Cherry looked back at him, her eyes looking sad.

“I see. What can I do to help him? Is he having flashbacks?” No he wasn’t. He was trying desperately to remember the memories flashing through his mind at light speed. He couldn’t do it, and they were getting less and less recognizable. It made his head hurt and fatigue fill his bones. He wanted to see one fully to put the face to the name, but he couldn’t and it made him feel like his world was ending.

The phone was being pressed against his ear again.

“Lance, I need you to breathe. Okay? Can you do that for me?” Lance didn’t know if he could, but Shiro was talking to him. Soothingly and Lance was slowly coming back to himself. His skin was beginning to feel the heat from his phone and the cold from the air. The sound of the traffic was filtering back around him.

“ Are you back with me Lance?” Shiro asked. Lance nodded and then remembered that Shiro wasn’t there to see it.

“Yes.” His voice sounded hollow and dry. Nothing like himself. He had wanted to call and talk to Shiro about his new revelation. Even if it really wasn’t a revelation. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was.

“ Do you want to start over and explain to me what you were trying to ?” Lance licked his lips, his eyes flitting to Cherry. She watched him worry, her grey hair falling out of her bun.

“ I-I found a picture. This morning in a picture album.” He swallowed again, his throat closing and his tongue feeling dry and heavy.

“ It wasn’t with the other ones. A-and there was a man in it. A man I've never seen before, but I have. It scared me and I went out for dinner and I heard the name Keith and,”his voice was becoming hysteric again his breaths becoming sharper.

“Lance. Breath. You’re okay, you’re fine. I promise.” Cherry’s hand was on his back again and he let that ground him.

“ I know that name Shiro. I know it well. It’s that man’s name. The man from the dream from the picture, Keith.”

~*~*~*~*~

He had a small bag, a cat carrier and his jacket with him as he stepped off of the bus. Shiro was waiting for him, looking older than he ever had. His eyes were weary and the white streak in his hair stood even starker against the black. More salt and pepper now. Shiro smiled at him a little sadly. Lance returned it.

“ How was the trip?” Shiro asked, taking the cat carrier from him and cooing at Tigger.

“ It was okay, and you don’t mind the cat? I should’ve asked before I packed him up.” Shiro looked around the carrier with a raised eyebrow.

“ And what were you going to do? Leave him all alone?” Lance shrugged, and Shiro gripped the handle tighter.

“ I don’t mind Lance and neither will Curtis.”

They walked back to Shiro's car silently. It was a little uncomfortable, but exhaustion radiated off both of them and neither had the energy to fill the empty space with discussion. Shiro opened the side door and slid Tigger in. He reached a hand back for Lance’s other bag and he offered it up with no complaint.

“ You can ride wherever you want.”

Lance got into the passenger side and slumped against the door. The heater was on and it wrapped him up in sticky lulling warmth. He might be able to sleep here. Shiro got in and started the car. The radio was on. Playing a talk show about politics. Lance tuned it out pretty fast. Listening instead to the purr of Shiro's car and watching the town go by.

“ When was the last time you slept Lance.” The radio was off now . Lance looked over at Shiro who was glancing at him while trying to watch the road at the same time.

“Last night.” Shiro sighed.

“When was the last time you slept an entire night through, and restfully?” Lance looked away from him.

“ It’s been awhile.” Shiro nodded chewing his lip,

“ Is it Allura or something else?” Lance closed his eyes and wet his own lips.

“ It’s not Allura. It’s this person that haunts me, that I have memories of that I don’t remember. “ It made no sense when he said it out loud. Sounded like he was mad. He wasn’t so sure he wasn’t.

“ And I want to go home, and I want to sleep without having that same dream. I want to understand why this person means so much to me, makes me feel so much.” Shiro’s hands tensed on the steering wheel knuckles going white. Lance watched him.

“ I,” Shiro swallowed. “I don’t know if I understand completely what you are meaning. Now wait before you say anything else, I also felt like something was missing from the war, but it hasn’t affected me like it has for you. Did you bring the picture with you?” Lance nodded, turning to look out the window again. 

When Shiro had told him that he was feeling the same way it had allowed Lance a wonderful sense of not being so alone. He couldn’t help but feel crest fallen over the fact that he was the only one so touched.

“ I want you to know I’m going to help you with this Lance. I don’t want to to feel alone with this.” Lance simply nodded again. Shiro turned the radio back on.

*/*/*/*/*/

Curtis was on the porch when they pulled into the driveway, he waved at Lance who waved back. Shiro smiled at him as they got out leaning over to kiss him.

“ Hi Lance. How are you?”Curtis was watching him with soft blue eyes.

“ I’m doing okay.” Curtis didn’t look convinced but Lance pushed past him to open the door and get Tigger out. Shiro tried to get his bag but Lance grabbed it first and closed the door with his hip. He headed towards the house Shiro and Curtis followed.

“ We gave you the blue room Lance. Do you remember where it is?” Curtis called. Lance nodded. Of course he remembered the blue room. A large spacious room covered in all the shades of blue there was to offer and lovely sea accents.

Shiro had actually had a small breakdown when he saw the house the Garrison provided for them. The rooms had been themed after the Paladins colors. Black included. PIdge had laughed at the multiple plants and greenhouse effect of the green room, and Hunk had wrinkled his nose at the sunny mustard of the yellow room. Green and Blue were probably the prettiest. The red room was often closed off. The color being so awful that Curtis had broken a rule and painted it white. The red bedding and other accents now where stored away in the attic.The black room was regal and dark. Shiro refused to sleep in it. He slept on the couch for months. Curtis had slept on the floor next to him. They had actually asked permission to paint over the walls. Now it was an aesthetically pleasant beige and tan. They kept the black bedding and that was about it.

Lance paused on the porch and turned back to the husbands.

“Thank you for letting me come spend some time with you.” They both smiled at him.

“You’re very welcome Lance. You’re welcome anytime.” He nodded and walked into the house. The blue room was at the top of the house and was complete with a balcony. He opened the door and was washed over by the smell of an unlived room and the soap Curtis used to wash the laundry. He let Tigger out and he immediately went to the window stretching out in the sun. Lance moved automatically unpacking the bag of the clothes he brought and leaving his bathroom products in the connected bathroom. He paused as he saw the notebook that had the picture tucked in it’s pages. He picked it up and left it on the bedside table.

Lance sat on the bed and looked around at the blue. Blue had never been his color, he had always been red. Allura had been blue, but still. He felt an odd connection to the blue lion. A sadness coming from the lion. A yearning. He closed his eyes and focused. Tried to call red to him in the quiet of the house and the peace it brought. The lion was far off but they had communicated from quite a ways off during the war. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say to her, but he wanted to talk to her. 

He focused on his breathing on remembering what she had felt like in his mind. The way he felt when he saw through her eyes. The fire, the recklessness, the speed and adrenaline. Dark eyes. His own flew open. That was not what he was trying to see. He sighed in frustration flopping back on the bed. He watched Tigger upside down. His tail flicked back and forth, back and forth. His eyes trained on the world outside.

_“Are you trying to mimic the cat?” The sun had made the carpet warm under Lance’s knees as he knelt on the floor. Dark eyes looked over at him through a mass of sparkling black hair. Lance laughed._

_“ You definitely are Keith, don’t try to deny it.” Pink lips smiled._

_“ It’s nice to sit in the sun, Lance.” A shiver ran up his spine as he said his name. He reached forward brushing his fingers through black locks._

_“It is.”_

He was in love with him. Love deep and sacred and pure. That was the feeling that horrified him and thrilled him all the same. He was in love with those dark eyes and black hair, but where was he and how did he have these memories and feelings of him?He racked his brain for an answer. Any answer. He needed to talk to Coran about this, he needed to talk to someone who understood other realities and so forth. A knock pulled him from his thoughts.

“Dinner is ready if you’re hungry.” Lance swallowed.

“Yes. Yeah I’m hungry.” He stood up. His soul felt lighter; he felt like the revelation was a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long. He jogged to the door before rethinking and doubling back to get the notebook. Curtis was still waiting at the door when he opened it. He seemed startled at his sudden appearance.

“ You look happier?” Curtis said. Lance smiled at him.

“ I just realized something that makes me feel a little better.” Curtis nodded looking a little confused. That was valid Lance thought. He’d been up there for about thirty minutes, and he had been so mad before that he had barely talked to the man. 

He followed Curtis down into the dining room. It had a large fireplace at one end of the room and double doors out to a large porch on the other. The table was long and able to sit around ten people. They had spent thanksgiving together the first year back from space. They fit comfortably around the table. It was set for three now right in the middle so that they could be all together. Shiro was bringing the food in from the kitchen. Curtis showed Lance where to sit and they went to help him. Lance would have asked if he could help but he knew that Shiro was not the type of host to llt guests help him.

They were having Soba noodles and tempura. A few of the pieces were a little more than golden, Shiro blushed and confessed to the burned food. Curtis rolled his eyes and told Lance that he couldn’t teach Shiro how to cook at all. Lance laughed at the look of betrayal on Shiro's face as Curtis told a story about how Shiro managed to burn ramen. Shiro sputtered indignantly.

_“ I didn’t know you could cook.” Keith smirked at him with a little crease of insecurity between his eyes._

_“ I lived alone in the desert for a year. I had time to learn. Plus Shiro couldn’t cook to save his or anyone's life.”_

Lance started jerking back to the table and the present. Both Curtis and Shiro had stopped talking and were staring at him.

“ You okay there Lance?” Shiro asked and Lance shook his head a little. He wasn’t sure. That was the first time Keith had been connected to Shiro directly besides the picture they were both in. He took a deep breath and looked down at his steaming noodles and placed a hand on the notebook.

“ I’m having memories, at least that’s what I think they are. I just had one, and he mentioned you Shiro.” Shiro squinted at him.

“Who?”

“Keith.” Curtis shot a look at Shiro. He mouthed the name.

“That’s who you were talking about on the phone wasn’t it?” Lance nodded. Shiro's eyes flickered and Curtis put his chopsticks down. Lance felt guilt eat at him. Curtis had had to see the aftermath of the war play out in Shiro's face for a long time. Shiro had that far off disconnected look on his face that he often had before a PTSD attack. Curtis placed a gentle hesitant hand on the table close to Shiro's arm.

“Takashi?” Shiro's eyes flicked back down to them.

“ I want to see that picture.” Lance bit his lip and considered the notebook under his palm.

“ Do you remember something?” Lance prayed he did. Prayed that he remembered something that would help them start to put this puzzle together. Shiro shook his head and brought a hand to his temple.

“ I-I don’t know. It wasn’t really a memory. More like a feeling associated with the name. Like I should have memories connected to it.” Lance nodded maybe a little eagerly. He opened the notebook and felt his stomach bottom out as he looked at the picture. Nothing had changed. It was the same picture that had Lance fleeing his home in a desperate attempt to get away from the feelings. He gently picked up the creased photo and just as gently slid it across the table to Shiro.

Shiro looked at it and then twisted around to look at the picture on the mantel. It was right below their wedding picture and it was the same one that Lance had in the album. Just missing Keith. He turned back around.

“It’s the same picture just,” he broke off and Lance nodded. Curtis cleared his throat.

“ I’m sorry if this is not my business, but I am so confused. What is going on?” Shiro looked over at him.

"Lance and I,” he stopped, licked his lips and looked back at the picture. Reconsidering his words. He lightly tapped Keith. 

“I am about 99% sure that this man used to exist.” Curtis still looked confused.

“ You mean he’s dead?” Shiro shook his head.

“I mean he didn’t exist in our timeline when he should have.” Lance watched him in interest.

“I think he could have existed in our reality. During the war something happened that erased him from the timeline.” Lance nodded starting to understand what Shiro was saying.

“ But Shiro, that doesn’t make any sense. We went through the entire war and he was never there. He didn’t just disappear at the end. I would’ve remembered him. Everyone would have. And the picture says he obviously was close to us. He was probably a pilot.” Shiro nodded,

“ Yes I think he piloted Black.” Lance shook his head,

“No, I think that he piloted Red.” Shiro chewed his lip and Curtis looked between them, his fingers fiddling with the chopsticks he had also put down.

“It doesn’t really matter which lion he did pilot. All I know is that he may be the answer to the discontent that Black felt even after we broke Zarkon's connection.” Lance nodded and looked down at his now lukewarm Soba.

“ We don’t even really understand anything yet. I think you were right Shiro, we need to talk to Coran.” He left out the part about his discovered love for the man. It maybe selfish and stupid of him to keep it under wraps but it was something that he felt was connected to him and him alone. Those memories were about him in an intimate setting. The feelings were fragile, old but new at the same time. 

Shiro nodded and took a bite of tempura smiling with soft eyes at Curtis.

“It’s perfect as usual.” Curtis smiled at him before picking up his chopsticks again and poking at his meal. He pouted at it.

“It’s cold now.” Lance grimaced and Shiro put a hand on Curtis’s arm.

“It’s still amazing darling.” Lance nodded in agreement and raised his chopsticks to Curtis. Dinner carried on after that. Shiro and Curtis discussed the politics of the Garrison with Lance and the need for more humanitarian aid for the universe. He nodded along, ate his bowl of Soba and took another after he was done. After they had eaten all they could, Shiro shooed Lance back up to his room with goodnight wishes.

Moonlight cut through the window casting the shadows of leaves across the floor and blue bedspread. Lance felt a sense of unease wash over him and quickly turned on the lights dispelling the blue and black shadows from the room. He changed into his pajamas in the bathroom finishing up his nightly routine. When he came back out Tigger was standing by the door. Lance opened it for him, figuring that it was about time that he stretched his legs. He left the door ajar so that he could get back in when he wanted.

Lance lay back on the bed and turned on his phone. He had changed his screensaver from a smiling Allura with Juniberries in her hair, to a picture of Tigger stuck in a laundry basket. He smiled at the picture and pulled up his mom's contact. He debated ,his finger over the call button. She would most likely be awake at this time in Cuba, and she deserved to know that he and Allura were no longer a thing. It was going to be a hard conversation though. His mom had been charmed by Allura, and for good reasons. Allura had been the perfect girl, exactly what a mother would want her son to bring home.

_“Lance, wait.” Keith grabbed his wrist loosely. Lance turned to look at him. His face was down, his hair falling in a veil over his eyes._

_“What if she doesn’t like me?” Lance chuckled and tilted Keith’s chin up to look him in the eye._

_“She won’t like you.” Lance watched the panic shoot across Keith’s face, “ She’ll love you Keith.” Keith’s shoulders slumped._

_“You promise?” Lance smiled softly hoping to reassure him._

_“I promise.”_

Lance inhaled sharply and brought a hand to his pounding heart. He looked down at his phone screen which had gone dark. He tapped it to revive it and hit the call button. His mom answered after the third ring.

“Hi Mijo how are you!” Lance brushed his trembling hand over his temple and swallowed.

“I’m okay mama.” He didn’t sound okay even to his own ears. He cursed himself quietly.

“Are you sure? You don’t sound like Lance.” Lance huffed a laugh.

“ You aren’t the only one whose told me that recently. And no I guess I’m not really okay.” His mom made a concerned noise.

“Tell me what's wrong Mijo. Don’t keep it to yourself.” Lance grimaced. He didn’t want to tell her about this man, about Keith, and all the odd happenings of the last few months.

“Me and Allura broke up mama.” Lance winced at the small gasp the news elicited from his mom.

“Why Carino? What happened?” 

“She wasn’t in love with me anymore. She told me she never had been. I don’t think I was in love with her when we broke up either, so. Yeah.” it was silent over the line. Lance counted the seashells embedded along the frame of a picture. Finally his mom spoke again.

“ I am very sorry Lance. You must be hurting very much.” He was. He was hurting very much, but not for Allura. For a person who should have been in his life and wasn’t.

“I’m not hurting a lot mama. We are still very good friends and that means very much to me. I want her to be happy and If that means finding someone else and going back to her true home, then I am at peace.”

“Still, you seemed so in love with her. I am having trouble wrapping my mind around you letting her go so easily.” His mother was wise. She had lived in this world for fifty years and had raised five children. Lance knew that she knew he wasn’t telling the whole story. That there truly was more at play in this crazy turn of events. Lance took a deep breath. Schooled himself.

“ I-I am in love with someone else too, but I only just realized it. The pain of not having them is overpowering the loss of Allura, and I didn't lie when I said that her happiness is all I ever wanted. We were trapping each other and ourselves. I’m sorry mama.” He waited for her to tell him that he was being selfish, and maybe he was, but he had been selfish often lately. 

“You love Lance so much. You see the world and people as good wholesome things. You deserve to be with someone who can and will love you to the capacity that you love. I hope that you find this person Lance.” His eyes were burning a little bit and he sniffled.

“Thank you mama. I love you.”

“I love you too Mijo. Now, it must be close to midnight where you are. Go to sleep.” 

“I will. Oh and I might take a trip up to New Altea.” His mom said a soft ‘okay and then hung up.

Lance threw the phone onto the bedside table and sat on the bed looking out the window. His body was exhausted, his mind was exhausted, his soul was exhausted. His entire being called for rest, but The fear of what sleep would bring sat heavy on his heart, and had fear burning through his veins. He gingerly pulled back the covers and slipped into the bed. It was cold and he shivered curling tighter into himself. The bed smelt kind of musty from months of no use. He ignored it and buried his head in the pillow. Sleep found him sooner than he expected.

It wasn’t the same chaotic dream that filled his mind. Instead it was a wall of white. No blemishes or colors of any kind. His footsteps echoed as he turned around in a circle. It was the same impenetrable white all around. His eyes were beginning to burn from the piercing shine of it. He brought a hand up to shield his eyes. A breeze swept past him. Fresh and cool and old. The type of breeze that you feel at the end of the day. When the sun is saying it’s farewells a breeze brings the warning of night soon falling. Lance followed it; desperate to get out of the white. 

A dark square appeared far ahead of him and his heart tumbled at the prospect of getting out. The breeze continued to softly guide him until he was facing a clear wall. He peered into it. The sun was going down but there was still enough light to glint off of Blacks mighty head and powerful body. He watched his mouth falling open as he himself climbed up Black’s leg, adorned in an odd array of pots, pans, and sausages. He gently touched the wall, his fingers caused a ripple that shook the entire wall. He stepped back alarmed but the lance that was climbing the lion didn’t seem to notice.

“ You can be a pretty hard guy to find if you want to be.” The Lance that had climbed the lion had reached the head and the lance on the other side of the wall gasped. Dark eyes turned to dream Lance and widened comedically.

“Hey Lance, whoa what are you wearing?” The Lance on the lion blushed looking away and fiddling with the strand of sausages. He flopped down and Keith moved over to ensure he had enough space and wasn’t going to fall off of blacks head.

“I’m going on a date with Allura.” Real Lance watched a flash of sadness cross Keith’s face before he quickly schooled his features.

“Wow Lance. That's great.” Dream Lance huffed a laugh.

“ Yeah might be my first and last. I just can’t keep all of these Altean customs right.” Keith turned to look at him over, a look of disgust on his face. He reached over and tapped the pot on his head.

“ I don’t know why you would let anyone dress you up like this. You shouldn’t need to be. If Allura is going out with you it’s because she likes you. Even the stupid earth version of you. At least she should. She should be able to love you without changing you.” Real Lance’s heart beat fast in his chest and he wondered if it was the same reaction as Dream Lance’s heart.

“ Since when have you been so good at talking to Keith?” Dream Lance asked with a fond smile on his face. Keith looked out at the horizon with a bittersweet smile on his face.

“ I think when I realized that I could lose what I hold most dear if I don’t talk.” Both dream Lance and real Lance looked confusedly at him.

“ What is that supposed to mean you haven’t lost anyone have you?” The smile dropped from Keith’s face.

“ Yeah I have.” Dream Lance scooted closer.

“ You know that you can confide in me right?” Keith smiled again, his skin looking more grey then creamy white.

“ It won’t matter. You won’t even remember me soon. This entire interaction never happened.” Dream Lance reached to touch Keith’s shoulder. His fingers fell right through where his shoulder bone should have been. Both real and dream Lance gasped.

“ Don’t worry too much Lance, it all works out in the end.” Dark eyes turned on real Lance and he stumbled back. Keith smiled at him, sad and accepting. 

Lance tried reaching through the wall to get to him. It didn’t move and he couldn’t reach him. He pounded on the wall as he called out for him as he slowly disappeared. The white began to close over the wall and Lance beat relentlessly against it until it was gone. He panted his fists clenched he had been so close.

“What are you doing here?” Lance whirled around. Standing a few yards away was a woman. She was tall and looked as if she was made out of the midnight sky. She watched him with wise black eyes. Lance swallowed.

“ I think I should be asking that question to you. This is my dream after all.” The woman smiled at him.

“ That has little effect on me paladin.” Lance straightened his hackles rising. During the war if someone called you nothing but ‘Paladin’, that person normally sought to do you harm.

“Who are you?” The woman tilted her head at him.

“ Do you not recognize me? I am constantly with you. Some days you praise me and others you curse me.” Lance shook his head. He didn’t know who she was.

“Ah. You will come to recognize me in time.” she turned and began to walk away.

“ Wait! Why are you here? What do you have to do with this?” She looked back over her shoulder.

“ You will come to know me. I will either raze or save the day. But let me warn you that I am a fragile thing. The slightest mistake may cost you all you know.”

Lance opened his eyes slowly. He stared at the ceiling. His heart wasn’t pounding, he wasn’t sweating. No tears slid down his face. He just felt a heartbreaking amount of hopelessness and dread. The dream had been so different from what had been haunting him. But for some infuriating reason it had been so much more heartbreaking. Tigger was curled by his side and he dropped a hand to his soft fur. The black lion. Maybe Shiro had been right. Maybe Keith had been the black paladin, but then where was Shiro. Lance covered his face with his freehand and groaned. This was a disaster.

He eventually drug himself out of bed and downstairs. Curtis was at the table sipping coffee and reading something on his tablet. He smiled at Lance and motioned towards the kitchen.

“Good morning. Takashi decided on cereal this morning so that's what we’re having. Sorry If it’s not enough. I could make you something if you want.” Lance shook his head and waved him away.

“ No. Cereal is fine.” It was actually perfect. Lance wasn’t sure he would be able to keep anything heavier down.

He fixed himself a bowl of fruit loops and slid into the chair next to Curtis.

“ Did you sleep alright?” Lance shrugged. He would’ve slept beautifully if it weren’t for that dream.

“Yeah I slept as well as I could.” Curtis nodded, dropping the subject and looking back down at his tablet.

“ Where’s Shiro this morning?”

“He had to run up to the neighbors house. They’re an older couple and Shiro checks in on them twice a week, and calls when he can’t. I swear sometimes they get tired of him.” Lance snorted. That was such a Shiro thing to do. Lance had never met someone with so much patience and compassion.

“ Yeah that seems like Shiro.” Curtis smiled at him.

“ He should be back around noon, or sooner.”

They dissolved into silence after that. Lance ate his cereal and then put the empty bowl into the dishwasher. Tigger came down after a while and Curtis spent a good ten minutes cooing over the cat. Lance rolled his eyes fondly at the way Tigger flopped against Curtis’s leg purring. He ran back up the stairs to his room to grab his phone. He had a notification from his college professor. Lance sighed and opened it. He was going to have to tell his professor that he was going to be missing a few weeks of his class.He sighed in relief seeing that the notification was just the agenda for the next few weeks. HE sent off a quick email explaining that he would be off world on ‘Paladin business.’ It wasn’t exactly lying. 

Hunk had texted him a few times. Lance read through them and then explained that he was staying for a few weeks with Curtis and Shiro and not to worry. Pidge had sent out her normal span of memes in the group chat. None of them ever responded to them. He slipped the phone into his pocket and opened the doors leading out onto the balcony. He leaned against the railing and looked out over the Potomac river. Fall time Virginia really was beautiful. Even if it didn’t quite look the same after the war. He remembered Shiro being surprised when the Garrison housed him and Curtis in D.C., and the heart broken look in his eyes when he saw the wreckage of what was once the Washington monument. They had erected different ones. That did not look similar to what they once were.

Lance had wanted to move back to Cuba, but damage there was extensive and Allura hadn’t wanted to live there. Once Lance figured out what ever this was, once he got Keith back he was moving back out there. He was going to find Keith. He was going to restore him to the universe. Reverse what ever happened to him, no matter what it took, or how long. He sighed and looked up at the sky. The blue blue sky. The sky that he had been so far beyond it still manages to astound him years later. It was still and clear. Air traffic was rare after the war, people still scared and weary of anything in the sky.

Lance returned to the room closing the doors behind him and walked back downstairs to see what Curtis was doing. He was on the couch Tigger curled in his lap typing away at his laptop. Tigger mewled at him when he sat down on the other end of the couch.

“ You guys might just have to keep him when I leave. He likes you.” Curtis hummed and ran a hand over Tigger's back.

“Well I like him too. I might just take you up on that offer.” Tigger purred louder and Lance stuck his tongue out at him.

“ I don’t think he would mind at all.” 

“When are you guys leaving.” The question caught Lance off guard. It was a complete change of subject.

“What do you mean?” Curtis looked over at him and smiled.

“Lance. I know neither of you are going to rest until you get this sorted out. Shiro hardly slept last night worrying about it. I know you guys are going to New Altea. I just wanted to know when.” Lance nodded. It was only fair.

“ I want to leave as soon as we can. I really need to fix this. I need peace.” 

“You’ll find it Lance. I know you will. Whatever happens you guys will be able to fix it.”

Lance could only pray and hope that he was right. That he would be able to find Keith and that they could understand everything that was going on.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Coran greeted them with enthusiasm. He was bouncing on his toes as Shiro and Lance walked off the small ship that had taken them to New Altea. He pulled them into a hug and then ushered them towards the castle of lions, talking the entire way.

“I have a bit of a surprise for you two.” He was saying as they drew nearer to the oh so familiar front doors of the castle. Shiro looked over in surprise.

“Oh? And what might that be?” Coran only smiled. Lance shot Shiro a look and he smiled and shook his head a little. Lance wasn’t going to lie he had missed Coran. He had been busy ever since the war, he had a planet and people to recover. When Shiro had told him that they were leaving Lance had had a moment of anxiety. Coran was fiercely protective of Allura and Lance had asked his blessing to pursue her. Now that they were broken up Lance thought that maybe Coran wouldn’t like him anymore. Shiro had blatantly called him an idiot for even thinking that.

The castle was exactly the same as it had been during the war. He smiled a little as they passed the hall that led to the sleeping quarters and his old room. Shiro was smiling too. The crows feet coming out at the corner of his eyes. The war had been horrible, it had left them all unstable and scarred, but the castle held their most fond memories. The only big difference with the castle now was the people milling about it. Aliens of all types stared at Shiro and whispered behind their hands. Aliens who knew what the Paladins had done for them, who knew who the Black Paladin was. Lance peeked at Shiro to see if he noticed. Some of the tension had seeped back into his face but Lance could tell that he was trying valiantly not to let them ruin his reunion with his home.

Coran greeted people here and there but moved quickly through the throng. Finally they got to the elevator and the people were closed off from them.

“How have you been, Coran? I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long.” Coran heaved a sigh and looked at Shiro.

“Yes it has been a while. I’ve been rather busy here, and I can feel my age catching up to me.” Lance studied Coran's face. He had more wrinkles around his mouth and eyes. He even had a few white strands weaving through the red of his hair. Shiro clapped him on the shoulder lightly.

“You are not the only one feeling that my friend.” Coran laughed with a good- natured heave of his shoulders.

“ You look just as well if not better than you did Shiro.” Shiro also laughed.

“ You say that but my hair is more white than black now. Soon I'll be completely white headed.” Coran waved him away.

“Hardly.” He turned to Lance now. “ And how about you my boy? How have you been faring?” Lance wasn't sure that was a very fair question. He felt odd. He concluded after many days of thinking about it that he just felt odd and out of place, maybe a little drifty. He shrugged.

“ I’m okay. It’s nice to see you again.” The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Shiro made a pleased noise and Lance couldn’t help the smile that stretched over his face. Hunk and Pidge stood in the control room by their respective chairs. Shiro called out to them as they exited the elevator and they turned with smiles of their own. It had been awhile since Lance had gotten a group hug. The embrace felt nice, being back with the team felt nice.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asked when they all pulled away from each other. Hunk shrugged.

‘Coran told us that you and Shiro were going to the castle to try and figure something out.” Pidge nodded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, and we both decided that you weren't going to do this without us. We’re a team and we help each other. No matter what.” Lance smiled at both of them with a feeling of warmth and comfort filling him. He might not be able to explain exactly what was going on to them, he might be leading them in circles looking for something that they would never find, but they were here and that meant so much to him.

They moved to the dining room. Lance sat in the same chair he did for the duration of the war. Shiro sat in his Pidge and Hunk theirs. Allura wouldn’t be joining them. She was on the other side of the planet at the hospital facilities. Hunk laid out food and Lance began to explain what they were doing here.

“You guys are probably going to think that I’m crazy. Hell I might be, but for the last few months I’ve had a reoccurring dream. One that I have no idea how to interpret.” He told them the dream in painstaking detail. Every crazy nonsensical element of it that had plagued him. Pidge listened intently and even Hunk put down his fork to watch Lance talk. When he was done they stared at him.

“Wow. That's um. Wow.” Pidge said. Lance nodded. His temples were throbbing and he felt tired. Hunk sat back in his chair debating.

“ You’re right that makes absolutely no sense. Gosh man that's rough.” Lance snorted.

“That’s a bit of an understatement.” Shiro crossed his arms and leaned on the table.

“I agree the dream makes no sense, but Lance found something that changed a lot of stuff. I had a feeling throughout the war that we were missing something. That something that had been there was gone, had wiggled loose and disappeared. Lance felt the same way.” Shiro reached into his pocket and pulled out the familiar piece of creased paper. He smoothed it out gently and slid it towards them. Lance’s breath caught as he saw Keith in the picture again. Pidge made a noise of wonder and Hunk looked confused.

“Who is that? I have that picture just minus him.” Pidge nodded in agreement.

“I think I would remember if this guy had been in a picture with us.” Lance sighed, tearing his eyes away from Keith.

“ His name is Keith and he wasn’t. He wasn’t in the picture with us, and that's what I don’t understand. I thought that the person in the dream was just some random sleep created person, but it’s him. I know him, knew him. I’ve been having memories of him. Memories that I don’t remember.” Pidge raised an eyebrow at him. He knew it sounded insane. He cursed and put his head in his hands. The table went quiet before Coran spoke up.

“You said that there was a black rabbit in your dream, correct?” Lance nodded a little helplessly. Coran got up and moved to Lance’s chair. He slid his tablet in front of him.

“In Altean and Galran folklore we have a goddess named Lapetus. She is often portrayed wearing dark robes with large ears protruding from her head. I guess that you would call them rabbit ears, as that is what they look like for you earthlings. Anyways. She is the goddess of time and reality. She moves the universe along and controls the ebb and flow of time.” Pidge looked up, her eyes shining with revelation.

“You’re saying you think that the black rabbit in Lance’s dream was her, but Lance wouldn’t have been able to comprehend her in her true form.” Coran nodded at her. Hunk piped up.

“On Earth a black rabbit means that you feel invisible.” Lance’s mind was racing.

“He picked her up. He seemed to make a decision and pick her up. He accepted her. Coran what does it mean if you accept time?” Coran seemed to consider.

“It could mean a lot of things. It could mean that you have accepted that it is now your time to die, or that you wish to change something that happened and have accepted the terms. It could mean so much.” Pidge looked at Lance across the table, her eyes searching his face.

“Why is he affecting you so much Lance? This is something that happened in the timeline with all of us. So why are you the only one who is really being affected?” Lance had hoped that they wouldn’t ask him that question. For one he wasn’t entirely sure he could answer it, and he also didn’t want to get into the whole ‘in love with him’ thing. Before Lance could answer, Coran piped up.

“If once was in our timeline Lance might have had a special connection with them.” Hunk looked from Lance to the picture .

“What kind of special connection?” Coran licked his lips, his eyes darting to Lance and away.

“Well. Love.” Lance clenched his fist under the table. Everyone was watching him and he wished they would stop.

“There is no way of knowing that was what it was, it’s just that love can carry far.” Coran tried to appease the raging thought circling through everyone's minds. Finally Pidge spoke up.

“So you want to try and restore this guy if we can?” Lance nodded.” And you think that he might have been a pilot of either Black or Red? Why don’t you go talk to them.” Lance and Shiro both nodded.

“Lance was going to try that but I think that we should talk to Allura before we dive into this too far. Time is a fragile thing. We know this.” They all nodded collectively. They finished the food and then they wandered the castle together. Laughing and talking about the memories that they had. 

Lance pressed the sensor on the door to his room. It was empty and clean. Any sign that someone had slept and lived there was gone. Hunk sighed as he stepped up beside him.

“I think it’s a little bit sad, you know? I kinda miss it.” Lance knew what he meant. The sense of unity and family that the Paladins had created during the war had started to slip when they went their separate ways back on earth. Not to mention the purpose that it gave Lance.

“Yeah. I know what you mean.” He backed out of his room and into the hall, the door closing after him. The censor on the door next to his was glowing a light green meaning it was unlocked. He stepped forward and opened it.

_“And Lance, leave the math to Pidge.”_

The room looked exactly like his, but the memory of him looking into the room at a fondly smiling Keith was vivid. He looked back at Hunk to see if he had any reaction to the room. He looked at it in interest.

“I don’t think that we ever opened this room when we lived here,” Lance nodded.

“I think it was his room.” Hunk opened his mouth then closed it.

“I guess it could’ve been.” Lance studied him. The slight clenching of his jaw wrinkle between his brow.

“Are you okay hunk?” Hunk shrugged a little.

“This entire situation is insane, but trust me I believe you. I’ve seen so much crazy magic stuff that this makes sense. It’s just as you and Shiro talked about it, I started to realize that I also felt like someone was missing. Little parts of the war that I went through felt almost incomplete. It makes me sad to think that we’ve, that I’ve forgotten someone.” Lance put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hunk I don’t think that we’ve forgotten him. The fact that we’re trying to fix this is testament that we haven’t. And if I’m being honest with you saying that makes me feel so much better. I thought that I was going insane.” Hunk laughed slinging an arm around Lance.

“Pretty sure I would think the same thing.” They headed off down the hall to where Pidge and Shiro had stopped off in the library.

“Sooo. Love huh? When were you going to tell us that?” Lance sighed.

“Yeah. I Guess. I wasn’t going to tell you guys. I just barely figured it out myself and it just added a heap of complication on this whole fiasco, not to mention I had just broken up with Allura. The time was wrong and I was so confused. Still am.” Hunk nodded.

“I can see why you would be hesitant, but we’ll fix this Lance. We’ll get him back, and let me tell you. I’m kind of excited to meet him.” Lance felt his heart flip, he was excited too.

~*~*~**~*~**~

Allura was back on their side of the planet by the time the sun was setting and the castle was going into it’s night cycle. She was surprised and slightly confused when they all greeted her. She hugged them all warmly and let the herd her towards the dinning room for dinner.

“How is Lotor princess?” Allura looked up from her plate a smile on her face as she addressed Shiro.

“He is doing so much better. We took a walk out about the gardens today and he is regaining his strength and the burns are almost gone. How is your husband? I haven’t seen him in a while.” Shiro smiled.

“Curtis is doing very well.” They devolved in conversation about life on both planets. Lance watched her. He hadn't seen her so happy in so long. She even looked healthier and more free. Her skin glowed and the marks on her cheeks had gained the color Lance had noticed they had lost. He was glad. He was so glad. She deserved the happiness she was getting.

“Lance do you want to explain?” Lance looked up at Shiro. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah.” He explained everything to Allura who listened with interest and intent. When he was finished he licked his lips and sat back. Allura looked around the table.

“I thought you guys knew.” They all gaped at her and Lance was sitting up again.

“Knew what?” Allura looked worried.

“During the war there was a being that was constantly with us. It helped when it could and offered protection. I thought that you guys could sense it too. The pure quintessence was so strong.” Hunk shook his head.

“No. we didn’t feel that at all. How do you know.” Allura put her fork down and folded her hands.

“I honestly wasn’t sure until the end of the war. Not until we stood at that cross roads and a sacrifice was needed. It stepped forward then and allowed itself to be sacrificed in my place. It’s pure essence was enough to appease Honerva and restore Lotor to us. I thought that maybe it was a byproduct of my own quintessence, but when it walked out to Honerva it slowly took the shape of someone.” They were all staring at her. Lance felt like everything that had happened, everything they had theorized had been shot down.

“So that means Keith still existed in our timeline just not as Keith.” Pidge said, sounding unsure of herself. Shiro was staring at the far wall and Lance leaned heavily on the table.

“I thought that we were close to figuring out how to get him back.” Allura started.

“You want to bring him back? Why?” Lance swallowed. Why? Why did he want to bring Keith back? 

“Because he was a person. Who fought the war with us, who piloted a lion with us. Who I have memories of.” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he was in love with him, because for the first time since this all started someone had voiced the why, had put a block in the fact that they could possibly get him back. Allura watched him, her blue eyes wise and old. He turned away from her.

“Lance. If this being that was with us through the war and your Keith are the same thing. Then that means that he did this himself. He found a way to extract himself as he was from that timeline and return differently.” Lance felt hot tears well in his eyes. Every open door slamming in his face. The fact that he knew what she said to be true.

“Why would he do that to himself though? That doesn’t make sense?” Hunk sounded a little hysterical. 

_“I wish I could make this better for you Lance, I wish I could go back and fix this. I wish it had been me.” Keith was sitting on the ground in a dark uniform stretching over his chest and shoulders. Flowers brushed his knees and thighs, his hand was woven into Lance’s hair where he was laying on the ground. The same flowers surrounding his body. Tears glistened on his face . Keith looked pained as he turned his face to the blue sky._

_‘“It should’ve been me.”_

Lance gasped as he came out of the memory he stood clumsily and stumbled back from the table. A hand coming up to cover his mouth. Shiro stood a look of concern on his face. Lance met his eyes and the tears brimmed over. Shiro came around the table and wrapped his arms around Lance. He comforted him as if by some miracle he had known what Lance had seen. Pidge and Hunk gathered around and Allura hovered at the edge. Silent worry creasing her brow.

When he finally calmed down enough to breathe, Pidge grabbed his elbow.

“Go to the lions Lance. We know they can store peoples essence in their consciousness. Go see if you can find him.” Lance looked to Allura who nodded.

“She’s right. If you are ever to find him again it would be there.” Lance pulled away from Shiro and looked around at his group of friends, at his family. They were there ready to catch him if he fell, but also ready to push him.

“I’m going to go. I need to find him. I need to make this right.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Red greeted him as he approached the lion's hanger. A warm welcome and a soft I missed you. The sheer grandeur of the lion's hanger never ceased to amaze him. The lions stood tall and proud regal in their postures. Lance looked to Red then to Black. He stood between them feeling the power from all the lions combined.

“I need your help.” He addressed both Red and Black. “I need to find someone and I think you’ll be able to help me.” A wash of warmth sweeps over him from Red. He sank to the floor. Quieting his mind, feeling Red. In the warmth that held him in the vibration of her purrs through the floor, though the memories he had of her. He slipped easily into her consciousness. A red sky mirrored in a black ground smooth like glass. A sense of security washed over his mind.

“Hey Red. I’ve missed you. Do you think that you could help me get in touch with Black?” The request was met with a scoff, as if Red was saying, you think too little of me cub. The stars that were swirling around in Red’s mind slowed as Lance closed his mind to any distraction. He waited to feel the influx of infinite power that came with Black. It washed over him, knocking his breath away from him. He slowly opened his eyes. The world was a swirl of black and red and stars and sky and ground like obsidian water. 

_“Who do you seek Paladin?”_ Blacks growl rippled through his mind. He stood now, and projected his thoughts out towards the deepest parts of the lion's minds.

_“Keith. Keith are you here? I know you exist. I miss you, come home. Come home!”_ Lance turned in a circle looking desperately for any change. He called again his voice echoing out and being swallowed by the sheer vastness of the lion's minds. There was no change. The stars slowly turned and the light of the red and black skies remained the same. He sank to the smooth ground. His voice was lower this time when he spoke.

“I don’t know if you’re here, or if you can hear me, but i know you and I miss you and I want you back. Allura said you did this to yourself, I don’t quite understand what _this_ is, but I want you back.” he waited with bated breath as if what he said would magically make Keith appear. Nothing. Silence and stillness. Lance squeezed his eyes shut.

“I wondered how long it would take you to find this place.” Lance turned already knowing who it was by her voice.

“I’m not letting you interfere. I’m finding Keith and I’m not leaving until I do.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t think that you realize that without me nothing is moving forwards or backwards. I control this entire existence. The way the stars turn the way water flows the way Keith chose to change everything.” Lance sneered at her. She was seriously getting on his nerves. How dare she stand in his way. She smiled in return her teeth were the same color as the ground.

“Let me show you something.” Before he could step back she wrapped her hand around his wrist. The world warped around him. Colors bled together as one, his stomach flipped and his mind went fuzzy. He fell to the ground when it all calmed. Time had let go of his wrist and he looked up and gasped. Keith was standing a few yards off. Wrapped in that same dark uniform. He held a sword out in front of him.

“What do you seek paladin?” Lance flinched as he saw Time materialize in front of Keith, Keith stepped back raising his knife higher.

“I-I want to change things. I want to take Allura’s place.” Lance felt his stomach drop and nausea build in his throat. His time snickered next to him.

“You see now don’t you.”

“You want to take the place of the Altean princess who sacrificed herself to end the war?” Keith nodded the knife falling. Time watched him.

“Do you not think that your choice would affect others. What of your family, of the mother you barely met, the boy that your heart beats for?” Keith squeezed his eyes shut.

“They aren’t the same. None of them. Allura was a crucial part of _us_. When she died something broke, something I don’t think can be repaired.” Lance wanted to scream at Keith. Tell him that they found happiness that they had moved past the loss that Lance loved him. Loved him with every beat of his soul.

“You blame yourself?” Keith dropped his gaze from Time.

“I don’t think that blame is the right word. It just should have been me. I nearly died so many times during the war, it would’ve made a full circle if I had been the one to die.” Time considered him.

“You truly think no one would be affected?” Keith laughed humorlessly.

“Of course they would.But I’m not asking to simply die. I’m asking to go back to simply exist as something else or not at all until the end. None of them would have to know that I existed.”

“You ask a heavy favor paladin. A would ask payment but you choosing to completely erase yourself from the minds of your friends is payment enough.” Lance couldn’t help it anymore. 

“Keith! Keith, I’m here! I know you! I remembered!” Keith turned to look at him. Lance felt his heart jump as those dark eyes widened.

“Lance?” His name was said in a disbelieving whisper. Lance nodded stepping forward as he did the ground beneath his feet slipped away and he was falling. He hit the obsidian ground of the lion's consciousness again and groaned. He laid there feeling anger and disbelief and heartbreak flow through him. He sat up to round on time to ask her why she never showed Keith the life he got, but he froze as he turned.

Keith watched him, eyes glassy, fingers twitching, lips trembling. He looked young. His hair was shorter, his face was free from the scar Lance had gotten so used to. He was wearing simple soft looking black clothes, his feet were bare. He seemed to glow softly and Black and Red purred. Lance scrambled to his feet. He took a step towards him and Keith took a step back. 

“You aren’t supposed to be here.” His voice sounded fragile and broken. Different from Lance’s dreams, but he was right there and Lance wanted to touch him to make sure that he was real and that he could. He closed the distance between them praying that he could hold him. He wrapped his arms around him. He could feel him. His sharp intake of breath, the hitch of tears,he could feel the fabric of his shirt, the softness of his hair, He could feel when Keith clung to him desperately.

“You aren’t supposed to remember me Lance. Why are you here?” Lance could tell he was crying. Feel the tears land on his shoulder, hear the sobs tear at Keith’s throat. He held him closer offering quiet comfort.

“I did though. I remembered and I couldn’t live with the fact that I didn’t completely remember you. I couldn’t live with the fact that I was in love with someone I didn’t know.” Keith’s breath hitched again and he let out an audible sob. He wailed into the darkness of Black and Reds minds. Lance clutched him closer , bringing his head close to his neck. He squeezed his own eyes shut against the torrent of tears that were sliding down his cheeks and into his dark hair. Keith was gripping the back of his shirt with a strength that Lance didn’t think he had ever felt anyone possess. Keith’s wails tapered off into softer sounding sobs. Lance felt the lions pressing on them seeking to comfort both of them. Lance opened his mind to them calling for them to stay close to them. To keep pressing on Keith’s mind until he responded to them.

At one point Lance sank to the ground cradling Keith to his chest as the boy continued to cry. Lance was whispering soft reassurances to him in between his tears. Keith heaved against him and Lance relished in the feeling of his ribs expanding and deflating, in the feeling of his heart beat .

“Y-you can’t say that L-Lance.” Lance looked down at the mop of black hair. 

“Why not? It’s true. True to my very essence.” Keith shuddered as he took a few deep breaths before he pulled himself away from Lance. He brought a gentle hand to Lance’s cheek. His fingers were coarse and callused just as Lance knew they would be. Lance covered the hand with his own.

“I came to get you, I came to bring you home.” Keith shook his head. Tears sliding down his cheeks again.

“I can’t go home. You shouldn’t have been able to know that I existed.” Lance wiped the tears away.

“You are afraid of what will happen when you return. You think that you will ruin all the good that you thought you were creating by dying.” Keith blinked at him before slowly nodding.

“If I come back time will revert and Allura will sacrifice herself again. I-I can’t watch you fall apart again. I can’t watch the team treat each other like strangers. I can’t go back into space and be alone again. I can’t have that.” Lance leaned their foreheads together.

“My love for you is old and so new. It is something I just recently remembered, but it was something that I knew before. Something that I cried and laughed and lived through. I didn't just love you when my memories started coming back. I loved you after the war in a reality where Allura was gone. I fell in love with you as you stayed and comforted me, and brought me back to life. I saw what happened to us Keith. Not all of it but enough.” Keith was watching him, tears still forming crystal cracks down his face he shook his head, but Lance continued.

“That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love Allura, and the thought of losing her feels like death itself, what I’m saying is that I will find a way to fix, to keep everyone I love safe.” Keith licked over soft looking pink lips and Lance felt his throat go dry.

“You remembered me.” He said it in wonder in astonishment. Lance nodded.

“I don’t know how I could ever forget.” Keith cracked a small smile at him.

“You love me.” Lance laughed breathlessly.

“Yes I love you. So much it literally has been driving me mad for months.” Keith frowned a little at that.

“I want to go back with you Lance. I want to live and love with you, I want to see my mom again. But I don’t want to relive the war.”he traced a hand over the features of Lance’s face, “And I know that none of you want to either.”

“No I don’t. You’re right that thought of reliving the war sounds like hell, but so does living without you.” Keith closed his eyes and leaned against Lance as if he was exhausted.

“I don’t know how to fix this Lance.” They fell into silence and Lance let his mind wander. What were they to do? The thought of sacrificing anyone of them made him physically ill. He closed his own eyes hopelessness overpowering him. His mind was slipping when Keith tensed against him.

“The lions Lance.” He was sitting up pulling away from Lance. Lance reached for him as he got fully to his feet but a reassuring squeeze to his hand had Lance staying put as he watched Keith walk out to the middle of the floor. He looked up at the stars. He held out his arms and Lance watched in wonder as lions appeared around Keith. Red first, stepping forward nudging her head into Keith’s knee, Keith smiled. Then Black regal and strong who tipped his head to Keith. Then Blue who looked over at Lance with a wave of affection. Then Green who seemed to dance upon her spot, and finally Yellow who bound in a circle before settling with the others. 

They formed a circle around Keith who spoke to them so quietly that Lance couldn’t understand them. He talked for a long time before the lions slowly faded, all except Black who walked back with Keith to Lance. Lance stood when Keith held out his hand. Black began walking and they followed him.

“Where is he going?” Lance asked softly. Keith looked over at him with a gleam in his eyes. 

“He is now the master of the reality that we are going to. Time has granted him the power to twist and unwind reality.” Lance looked ahead at where the sky and ground vanished into a white light.

“We're going home?” Keith nodded looking straight ahead.

“We're going home. See through the lion's eyes.” Black walked into the light. Lance and Keith followed hand in hand. 

~*~*~*~*~

They were at a crossroads. A place where they had all been before. It was almost exactly as Lance remembered it. The white the exhaustion, but this time his hand was held tightly in Keith’s and the lions stood in front of them. Each respective paladin stepped forward to wish their lion goodbye. Lance knelt next to Red and thanked the lion for everything, for allowing him to have Keith back. For allowing them all to live. Keith was speaking to Black and Shiro’s head was bowed in respect. Pidge was sniffling as she talked to Green who listened with fond intelligent ears. Hunk sobbed over Yellow who had a paw on his knee. Allura spoke to Blue and Lance felt compelled to say a few words to his first lion. Then it was time for them to go. Honerva walked forward and the lions rose. All feline grace and power. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand, and Keith squeezed it in comfort.

“This is what we offer you. The quintessen of the five lions of Voltron. Take them and let there be peace.” Allura addressed Honerva with her own power. Honerva nodded and turned back to the figures behind her. The lions looked back one last time before following her into the white.

_One Year Later_

“Lance!” Lance sighed as he wrote a grade on the top of the paper he was grading.

“What?!” he called back across the house.

“ Is the jello supposed to be three layers?” Lance looked up and put his pen down. He leaned back in his chair to look down the hall into the tiny kitchen. Keith was standing with the refrigerator door open.

‘When you say three layers what do you mean?” Keith reached into the fridge and pulled out the jello he had made the night previous to take to the team picnic. He turned around.

“Powdery, liquid and jelly?” Lance laughed and got up. His papers could wait. He walked into the kitchen and took the bowl from Keith. He wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist and placed a kiss on his nose.

“No babe. The jello is supposed to be one layer. Just jelly.” Keith scrunched his face looking at the discarded bowl.

“Then what are we going to take for the picnic.” Lance shrugged.

“I assure you that Hunk has made more than enough of everything.” The worry cleared from his face and leaned against Lance.

“That’s true we’ll be fine.” Lance laughed and brushed Keith’s hair over his shoulders.

“Can I braid your hair before we go?” Keith pretended to consider.

“Hmmm. Yeah.”

They went into the living room and Lance sat on the couch. Keith sat between his legs and leaned his head back. Lance wove his hair together in a simple braid. He tied it off and threw it over Keith’s shoulder.

“There you go love.” Keith smiled up at him and ran a hand up through his hair. Lance returned his smile. 

“What made you so happy?” 

“I’m so glad I’m here. I’m so glad that we’re going to go see my family in a few minutes.I'm so glad you love me and I love you.” 

Lance kissed his forehead.

“Me too Keith. Now lets go before Shiro starts calling out of worry.”  
The drive to the park that was hosting their picnic this year consisted of bickering over what to listen to and conversation over work. Lance talked about his teaching at the Garrison and Keith made fun of him garnering himself a group of women in the office who all already had their weddings planned out.

“Keith it’s not funny. I feel so bad and slightly creeped out. Every time I walk into the office they all swoon.”

“Well maybe I’ll have to propose to you so you can casually flash your ring.” If Lance had been driving he would have swerved. As it was he choked and looked over at Keith. 

“You’re not, are you?” Keith just smirked at him. Lance swallowed and looked out the window again.

Pidge greeted them with a wave as they climbed up the hill. Everyone else was already seated around the blanket on the grass. Hunk was laying out food with Shay laughing occasionally at things she said. Lotor and Allura were sitting with each other talking quietly with soft smiles. Shiro was messing with Pidge’s newest little robot while Curtis talked to Coran. Lance looked over at Keith who was beaming. He hugged Pidge and let go of Lance to go sit with Shiro. Pidge punched him lightly in the arm.

“Come on. There’s lots of food.” He smiled and followed her to the blanket he sat down next to Keith who took his hand again. Shiro beamed at him.

“How's it going Lance?” Lance squeezed Keith’s hand loving the way they fit perfectly together. Loving the way they were all here on this hill side simply to be here together. Loved that Allura found love and Hunk was finally doing what he was passionate about. Loved that Shiro and Curtis were right for each other. Loved that Pidge was herself fully. He loved this.

“It’s going really really well.”

  
  



End file.
